The story of one high schooler trying to wade through all the petty drama, with the only way she knows how. Sarcasm. Note: All names have been changed for protection.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

SO!! Here's my non-fiction piece.

Thank you guys for the help! It took me a full day to write. That's pathetic. But you know what's more pathetic? My entire Creative Writing class had pretty much nothing to say about it. Why you ask? Well, I have no idea. Sigh. I was wondering if you guys like it?


 My Fearful Five
                        The only reason people go to Canal Street in New York City is for cheap, illegal stuff. You can get anything there, if you have the cash. The street itself is cramped and grimy, and it smells of sweat, rotten Chinese food, and fear. It’s not pretty by any means, but I went for one thing and one thing only. Cheap stuff.
            Within my first hour, I bought D&G sunglasses for ten dollars. My mom bought a scarf, a watch, and a hat for $50. The locals all said to bargain with the vendors, and wait for the big boys: the Chinese men with cell phones to their ears, asking tourists if they want handbags. I guess we had it coming; we looked so out of place, so much like idiot tourists. My mom, grandma, and me are all loud, tall and blonde, which is the opposite of the locals in New York City. We eventually had one man approach us.
            “You want handbag? Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Prada handbag,” he whispered, without looking at our faces. To an outsider, the exchange looked unsuspicious. He said, “You follow me now.” Motioning with his hand to walk up the street, we waited a bit and walked after him. He kept his distance; staying about 30 feet ahead of us.
            After two blocks of trailing the guy, we stopped in front of a store. It looked no different than other cheap shops here, with shirts that looked like they were made for five cents. We walked in, and looked like we were very interested in one particular T-shirt. I glanced outside while my mom was turning the shirt inside out, inspecting the “beautiful craftsmanship”.  The man we had followed was outside the store front, talking in Chinese on his cell phone. A couple minutes later, two more men walked into the store. They passed us in absolute silence, and my family and I stared. A white shelving unit stretched from the floor to almost the ceiling, full of bargain trinkets. Because of that, I was surprised when the two short men lifted it up and moved it to the side. I was more surprised by what was behind the shelves. It was a dark opening, crudely cut out of the wall. The cavity was an endless abyss, where nothing would ever come out once inside. I was locked in place, my mother actually had to drag me in. As we approached, all I could think was I was going to die. My final moments were going to be on that hole.
            I have to be strong, I thought to myself. I can’t let my grandma and mom see that I’m scared. But I don’t want to die! Clearly, my guardians must be terrified too. I looked over, and they were perfectly at ease. That’s impossible. This is so sketchy, I thought. Maybe they were just acting.
            As soon as the three of us were inside that musty room, the shelves were slid back in place. A bright light suddenly appeared from the single light bulb strung from the ceiling. Then I could see what the shelves were hiding: purses! There were rows of them on the walls, some stacked up in the corner, and quite a few in some cardboard boxes. I’d never seen such a concentration of handbags before. My mother and grandma started moving around, looking at the various brands of purses. The tiny space didn’t allow for much comfort.  I grabbed the nearest purse, a grey Gucci bag, and held it out to the man. He spoke very little English, so he held up numbers on his fingers to show prices.
            “Fifty for…” he motioned towards the purse in my hands. By this time, my grandma had selected her tote, and was bargaining with the man. More than once, he had shush her. My grandma would be quiet for a bit, then get worked up over something, and start yelling. It was an endless cycle. All the while, my mother took her sweet time. She ,oh so delicately, grasped the precious satchel, turned it over once, then again, and tut-tut-tutted under her breath. I sent her mind-bullets, trying to tell her that we needed to leave. She didn’t pick up on my psychic powers, and kept procrastinating. I still stood motionless, I felt like jelly. It was like a scene out of Cops. At any minute, dozens of policemen were going to burst through the wall. If that happened, I would need a new pair of pants.
            My mother’s loud voice shook me out of my nightmare. “OKAY! I think I’ll go with this one! How much?” she asked, holding out a ruffled black and white purse. The man suddenly checked his watch, and made a very terrified face. He grabbed the three purses we had picked out, and shoved them into a dark plastic sack.
            “200 dollah for all?” he asked, looking very desperate. That’s when my mom stepped in.
            “I don’t think so. I’m thinking 100 dollars for all of them. If you don’t like that…” she chuckled under her breath. I had never seen my mother look so mysterious and wicked. The man realized my mom wasn’t kidding around, and nodded his head. My mother shelled out the cash, peeling back each bill carefully. After a few Chinese words from the man, a blinding light showered us from behind. The shelves had moved, and I could see the street from there. I had the sudden need to sprint to the safety of the street. I grabbed the garbage bag full of our goods and speed walked away. When I reached the sidewalk, I breathed my first breath of fresh air. We must’ve been in the abyss for a whole five minutes- the most terrifying five minutes of my life.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Help Wanted.

I'm desperate you guys. I have to write a whole nonfiction story by Thursday. I have two ideas that I could write about, and I'll give you the pros and cons of each.

1. An extremely entertaining and funny story about my illegal frowned upon by the law activities. Its about when I went to New York a couple weeks ago, and found myself in a drug-deal-like situation, all over a purse.
PROS: Its pretty hilarious. And in my creative writing class, every story can be fitted into one or more of the following categories:

  • The time they got hurt/they hurt themselves.
  • The time they were in Poms or Cheer and won something. Yay. 
  • The time someone in their family died.
Its not that these are bad, its just getting really old. Its really depressing too. I think my story would be more exciting, you know? Spice things up a little!
CONS: I've had a terrible past couple of days. I cried three times during school today. Then I go a C on my test. (I hate that class, just in general. I like the subject, not the class. Blah.) So I think making it really funny would be difficult right now. I need to be cheered up, desperately. I really want someone to come to my house and bring cookies and hang out. I wish people did that. I wish my parents would have some sympathy. I just don't know what to do. (That got really depressing, sorry. SORRY.)

2. A story about my experiences with bullying. Its really personal, and is still kind of happening.
PROS: That's what my teacher and class likes. They eat up the dramatic stuff. The story that everyone loved was about a girl and her anorexia. Granted, its not that bad. Its just not funny or light.
CONS: On any other day, I'd love to write the other story more. This one isn't anything I talk about. I think only my parents know the extent of it.

Help please. I have to decide basically tonight, and write tomorrow or Wednesday. If you text or call or facebook or comment on this, man, I will love you. Which one would you rather read? Which would you want me to post here, if any?

FINAL VERDICT:
People need to stop being fake in general. If you can't handle me when I'm having a terrible day, you do NOT get to talk to me when I'm normal. Someone did that today. Teachers need to stop putting 15 trick questions on their tests. Someone needs to kidnap me from my house. AND ALL OF YOU need to tell me, idea 1 or 2?

Love,
Maddie

P.S.
I love you.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Mwahaha!!

To hyped up on candy. Got approximatley 30.7 pounds of it.
Help me...
Blah.
Love,
A very sugared-up Maddie

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Next week, I promise.

Today was not a god day. Ever get those times where you felt like you have no friends? And no one cares? Yeah, well, today was like that for me. Everyone was hanging out, having great times with each other. That's just great, but then all they could talk about was the fantastic time they had. I'm trying to be nice. I just wish I had that person who would care when I feel bad, instead of basking in their own glory.
Maybe that's too much to ask.
I guess that's my drama for the day. I'll have really interesting stuff either tomorrow or next week? Okay? I'm sorry. I'll get better. Maybe.

FINAL VERDICT:
I'm trying to be understanding, but sometimes I want to be the person who is sad and cries. I always end up being the one who has to be strong. Its getting really old.


With so much love it hurts,
Maddie
(Sarcasm hand raised. Just in case you missed it.)

Sunday, October 17, 2010

My shortest post EVER

I am in New York City, in case I haven't told you. It's really fun, and I'll be here till Wednesday! So I need a bog post for this week, here it is. I'll have a LT of drama when I get back!!

Love,
Maddie

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Puberty is the best idea since sliced bread

Hello all! So if you haven't gone through that magical time, you will. If you have, consider yourself lucky. Its nice to be able to live through it, and tell the story. Anyway, this has been brought to my attention recently, actually last night, by my 13 year old brother, named Mitchell; and my 10 year old brother, Jack. (These are actually their names. They're just that special.)
He is in that extremely awkward in-between stage of childhood and teenaged-ness. Its really funny, since he likes to punch things, and I liked to cry. A lot. I really don't know where the tears came from. Maybe I've been storing them since youth in a special place...like my legs or something...for this great time in my life. (Actually, that's a lie. That was the worst year of my life.) I've learned to just run and hide (and lock the door. Ahem.) whenever he gets mad. Mind you, he's as tall as me now. And I'm 5'10'!! Keep that in mind, because that makes the story I'm about to divulge that much more awesome. 
So last night I was at my high school's Homecoming football game. (The score was 0- 41. You could say epic fail, I won't mind.) My entire family was there, so obviously I left them to be with friends. Later, I learned something. While walking around with Jack and their little friends, Mitchell ran into some girls he knew from middle school. They were actually some really cute girls, (I'm not being weird, they are just that, "Awh, look at you. You're an adorable 12 year old.") and I guess knew Mitchell, and liked him. One of them jumped on Mitchell, giving him a giant hug. This is how I imagine the following scene:
Girl: "OMG Mitchelllllll!!!! Hiiii!!!! We're in math together, and you are just SO CUTE."
*She hugs him
Mitchell: "Ummmmm. Did you know the square root of pi is 1.772? Heh-heh."
In Mitch's mind: "Woah. How did this happen. This is really weird...but nice...and she's so pretty..."
*He hugs her back*
The guy who was walking with the girl: I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him!!!! RAWRRR!"
 And then...the best thing I've ever heard in my life happened. 

"Mitchell, we gotta go. Mom got your farting meds, its time to take them."


Can you just imagine it?? Getting your first hug with a girl, then your little brother says that!?
Oh my gosh I love my family. But that has got to be traumatizing for a 13 year old, insecure little boy. Life must suck really bad right now. He probably won't touch another girl for a couple of years now. 
So if you see him, embarrass him and give him a giant hug!!


Always,
Maddie


P.S.
If you know what the heck is wrong with Facebook, please share. I'm so confused. And by the way, I would update more. But I don't. You know why? Because no one reads! Or at least I don't see it. So if you do read this, please either subscribe or comment. (Subscribing gets you 30000 Maddie-points. Commenting gets you 749. Just saying.)



Saturday, October 2, 2010

Just DIE Already! DIIIEEEE!!!

Homecoming is turning into that one hermit crab that won't die, no matter how many times you drop it. A couple weeks later, you just say to yourself, "Self, if I were you (which I am) I would just kill it. This has gone on long enough! Poor creature!" So then you do. You flush it down the toilet. Goodbyyyye immortal crustacean!
Maybe that hasn't happened to you. Probably not. (And before you call PETA on me, just know, that thing was evil. It deserved to die. And its probably still alive somewhere in the sewers, cursing me. Its going to get me one day. Anyways!) But the point is, Homecoming is getting a smidge old. It just won't go away. There are girls squealing in the halls, tackling their best friends, holding flowers. There are boys guffawing, after one of them asks a girl out.  There are public displays of undying love, and tears from lack of it. I'm stressing out about this, and I don't even care! I haven't even been asked! (This isn't a desperate plea for a date. Noooo, just a fact.) 
One thing I've noticed. There's two groups, one of guys, we'll call it A, and one of girls, called B. They mingle for a little bit. One individual from A taps one person from B on the shoulder, shoves a teddy bear in her hands. He backs off and melts into the mass. A giant gasp, and then, as if choreographed, a small jump and a scream. Its incredible. Then A and B separate, and are never seen together again. I'm sorry, what? Can you do it again? I missed it. I was watching paint dry. 


FINAL VERDICT:
Come on! Its a dance! (Actually, no one dances. People have sex with clothes on out there. WHEEE FUN!) Its better to go with friends, anyway. There's a lot less stress involved. Besides,  getting ready is a good 94% of the fun. Friends are fun. And if you are desperate for a date (Ahem...Pauren Losey) just STOP. Its really annoying, and its sad seeing you so desperate for a guy. You are putting yourself out there, just setting yourself up for failure.
Besides, its more for the upperclassmen anyway.

Love,
Maddie

P.S.
And if you ARE planning on asking someone to the dance, I have a checklist for you:
1. Don't do it. Its too late. Just wait till winter formal, or ask your special someone out on a date.
2. If you go against my advice, (Shame shame, know your name!) make the proposal meaningful. It doesn't need to be a diamond necklace, or yacht ride. And no, don't plan on landing at her house in a helicopter to ask. Make it special! Go to dinner, get her chocolates. (that's what I would want at least)
3. Matchy-matchy is stupid. You know what's classy? Black. The guy in all black is great. That way, the girl could wear virtually any color, and pictures would still look great.
4. Go with a group with other couples! Have the parents split up the meals. Go to one house for dinner, then another for dessert.
5. Never, never go with single people. When you're making out in the car or whatever, that is just awkward.
6. Don't grind. You will get kicked out, and it is disgusting.