Just DIE Already! DIIIEEEE!!!

Homecoming is turning into that one hermit crab that won't die, no matter how many times you drop it. A couple weeks later, you just say to yourself, "Self, if I were you (which I am) I would just kill it. This has gone on long enough! Poor creature!" So then you do. You flush it down the toilet. Goodbyyyye immortal crustacean!
Maybe that hasn't happened to you. Probably not. (And before you call PETA on me, just know, that thing was evil. It deserved to die. And its probably still alive somewhere in the sewers, cursing me. Its going to get me one day. Anyways!) But the point is, Homecoming is getting a smidge old. It just won't go away. There are girls squealing in the halls, tackling their best friends, holding flowers. There are boys guffawing, after one of them asks a girl out.  There are public displays of undying love, and tears from lack of it. I'm stressing out about this, and I don't even care! I haven't even been asked! (This isn't a desperate plea for a date. Noooo, just a fact.) 
One thing I've noticed. There's two groups, one of guys, we'll call it A, and one of girls, called B. They mingle for a little bit. One individual from A taps one person from B on the shoulder, shoves a teddy bear in her hands. He backs off and melts into the mass. A giant gasp, and then, as if choreographed, a small jump and a scream. Its incredible. Then A and B separate, and are never seen together again. I'm sorry, what? Can you do it again? I missed it. I was watching paint dry. 


FINAL VERDICT:
Come on! Its a dance! (Actually, no one dances. People have sex with clothes on out there. WHEEE FUN!) Its better to go with friends, anyway. There's a lot less stress involved. Besides,  getting ready is a good 94% of the fun. Friends are fun. And if you are desperate for a date (Ahem...Pauren Losey) just STOP. Its really annoying, and its sad seeing you so desperate for a guy. You are putting yourself out there, just setting yourself up for failure.
Besides, its more for the upperclassmen anyway.

Love,
Maddie

P.S.
And if you ARE planning on asking someone to the dance, I have a checklist for you:
1. Don't do it. Its too late. Just wait till winter formal, or ask your special someone out on a date.
2. If you go against my advice, (Shame shame, know your name!) make the proposal meaningful. It doesn't need to be a diamond necklace, or yacht ride. And no, don't plan on landing at her house in a helicopter to ask. Make it special! Go to dinner, get her chocolates. (that's what I would want at least)
3. Matchy-matchy is stupid. You know what's classy? Black. The guy in all black is great. That way, the girl could wear virtually any color, and pictures would still look great.
4. Go with a group with other couples! Have the parents split up the meals. Go to one house for dinner, then another for dessert.
5. Never, never go with single people. When you're making out in the car or whatever, that is just awkward.
6. Don't grind. You will get kicked out, and it is disgusting.